Pleasuring a Woman: How Tantra is Not a Quick Fix

11059924_10153179685165926_9152281571664416257_nI get this request alot….I want to learn how to pleasure a woman. I want to learn how to give a woman massive orgasms. I want to learn what women like. I want to learn what women want….

When I tell them, first and foremost, women need to be listened to, seen and heard by a present, collected in the moment kind of guy….they kind of rustle a bit…..squirm. I know they had imagined learning the magic points on a woman’s yoni and hearing new kinds of sounds from within her, but the truth of the matter is, is that if you don’t get the basics down, all the sexy magic tricks are going to amount to zero. Technique can always be learned, real instinct and energy have to be cultivated.

Ever been with a guy who says he is master lover and he knows all these things but then when he touches your leg its kind of cold and clammy and he isn’t really listening to anything you are saying or barely making eye contact?. Or if he is making eye contact all you can feel is his anticipation that you are going to take your clothes off? I think most women have experienced this kind of energy from men…It really does suck. You kind of feel bad for them because they are trying so hard to make something happen. They are puffing themselves up to somehow impress you but you see right thru it. And you are not turned on. But you kind of wish you could be, because here is a guy who really is trying but he keeps missing it. Without presence (the male energy) the feminine cannot surrender and be the flower, the dazzling, moving, colorful aspect of the duality.

Tantra is not a quick fix for becoming a master lover…..It is a path to gaining that mastery. For sure some people are quick studies or just plain naturals. But the fact of the matter is, most of what we have been taught about sexuality and the opposite sex is a big lie. And we have to unlearn alot of our habitual patterns. Both men and women. We have to get back to basics. Feeling, experiencing, dropping into what is inherent in our energies and natures. Letting ourselves be men and women. And recognizing what stands in our way when we have trouble accessing that natural space. Thoughts, distractions, nervous energy left over from a stressful day, childhood trauma, body issues, disconnection from ourselves. We have to be willing to dive in and dive in deep to see what patterns, psychological, spiritual, emotional etc are taking our energy. So that we can get to the source of our deepest connection. This connection allows us to deeply feel ourselves and another. And in that feeling, we have access to an instinctual place that knows how to dance with another.

3 Basic Tips for Pleasuring A Woman

1. Presence. Never underestimate the power of presence. Presence is super duper sexy. It is super duper important for a woman to feel your masculine present energy. Now what is that exactly?. Well it starts with you, sinking into yourself and clearing the clutter out of your mind and body. So first things first, You have to know You. And get right with it. Which usually takes some time, as alot of men have built up a whole fake male identity around ego and macho. Even on the most subtle of levels. We usually go about getting present thru the breath and meditation. Slowing down to feel more deeply into yourself, slowing down to really connect with your inherent presence. Thoughts may come, distractions, unfinished business…its all good. Just take the dive and see whats there. Once you pass thru some things, the gift of presence and the ability to show up as yourself, no masks, no games, just you with your loving heart and masculine energy is enough to get any girl wet. Because it is so rare.

2. Notice. Listen to her. Take her in. Look at her. Breathe her in. Notice details, ask questions about things she said. Take a genuine interest in this beautiful goddess sitting before you. Marvel at the creation of woman. Don’t drool or act like a lost puppy, take it in from the strength of your presence. Enjoy being in the company of a woman, just for the sake of being next to her. Without any expectations., none, zero, zilch. Let her thoughts and ideas and ways of girliness wow and inspire you. Don’t rush this part. It builds energy, it creates suspense…it gets the fire going.

3. Touch. Learn how to touch to open a womans body up without even getting to the most intense erogenous zones. This alone can work miracles for you. So often we women have been manhandled by sweaty, bumbling hands and to get a good pair of present, slow, warm and giving hands that aren’t trying to grope us or finger us, or grab us,  is a gift from God. Learn to give a good loving, slow and sensual (without being slimy), massage that just worships us for the amazing creatures we are. With zero expectation of sex or need to touch anywhere sexual. Unless of course you are asked or proded…then by all means, please the goddess…But that first touch, that way and texture of touching are so important….if you can touch with care and trust you will immediately put a woman in a calm and more surrendered space. And that is exactly what we need to truly feel opened to going deeper into lovemaking. Or at least we feel safe to say No, so that later we can say yes:)

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Why What You’re Thinking About At The Moment of Orgasm Matters

10689934_362698920546365_4979941643078946058_nWhat you are thinking about at the moment of orgasm matters. But wait…do you even know what you are thinking about at the moment of orgasm? Most people say they aren’t thinking anything, that’s what makes orgasm so special…so cultivated, so sought after. The moment of explosion into the cosmos where you are totally free…..a total release….a total let go.

Well, that moment is also an opening. The veil between worlds becomes thinner……there is a fine opening into the greater reality…a precious opportunity.

So often people talk about orgasm as just being this amazing pleasurable state of connection. True. It is. But it is also a very precious moment that opens our energy fields and tunes us to what we are resonating at…So at that moment when the opening comes, its best to be prepared with your highest hopes and dreams, your highest intentions. Those thinking dark thoughts, off in a fantasy, or just not present will vibrate that out to the universe and will carry that in their fields…..Leading to whatever reality that will now create.

That’s why cleaning yourself, your mind, body and emotions is part of the tantric path. So when you do reach these heights you are conscious enough to really work with them to create healing and goodness in your life. It is a sacred act, making love with someone, no matter how well you know them or don’t. It’s a moment where you literally become One, even if just for a moment, even if the veil into that Oneness passes very fast. You still merge together at this time. The point is don’t miss it. Become Mindful. Recognize what is passing between you. Honor it. Even if in that moment it is simply a thought of goodness or a wish of love….just put your best.

We practice sex magic because it is literally sex magic. Your thoughts get catapulted at a much larger speed out into the universe when you are dancing in the openess that is sexuality. The portals of communication are active and alive in these moments….You have a frequency available that you don’t normally to such a degree and at that moment a magic happens where you can manifest at a much greater speed. So these sex magic rituals are harnessing this power, and working with the energy in a conscious way, stating intentions clearly, praying on specific things that you want to manifest. Sex Prayer. Sex Magic. Sex Ritual. The intention is the same….harness this awesome power of orgasm, this actual creative juice of the universe and direct it to creating very good things…

You will be amazed at how your life shifts. You will be amazed at the energy that will surge forward when you become aware like this in your love making.

Now I am not really implying thinking about the new car you want during sex is the way of it, I mean it could be, but what I am really saying, is imagine, putting prayers for a speedy recovery for a friend suffering in the hospital, or perhaps it’s repairing the relationship with the person you are making love to, or perhaps it is for a new job that fulfills you more, or maybe it is for that new car….Maybe that would make your life that much easier.

Try it out…Notice what happens…..Sex is powerful, sacred and we are just beginning to learn how to honor it and work with it in the way I believe it was meant to be used….as a healing force and a creative process….and a great source of pleasure. An act of Love.

Namaste.10300663_633418630082992_6027342021698814538_n

www.sensualtantrichealing.com

Embodiment Is Everything

10891977_10152900149483190_6770965350830585997_nToday I called up another Tantra Teacher, a man who came highly recommended for his knowledge and dedication to the true path. I was interested in his training, as I am always searching for the next training, the new information that expands my work even more. I have never met this man before, but I trusted his pictures and websites and videos I saw. I liked him. He seemed for real. And he was. He is.

I realize I haven’t written in awhile because I was taking space from my practice. From this whole “tantra thing” as an acquaintance recently asked if I was “still doing?”. I have been spending my time meditating and relaxing and looking inwards. With less of a fixation to move outwards or hold space for anybody and gathering my forces for the next incarnation of life. So I called this tantra teacher, thinking, well why don’t I just take a class to get myself going again and re-connected?. Find your inspiration again.

Let me explain. I always feel connected to Tantra. Tantra is what is. Right now. It is what is happening at all times. I guess I was feeling a bit discouraged, by the level of maturity that is in our society around sexuality and sensuality. I was tired of hiding, not knowing how or who to tell what my passions are, what I offer to people as a healing, truly who I am. There is alot of stigma around this work, and alot of charlatans who claim to do this work. I just was tired of the whole scene and wanting to connect deeper to myself before I went back into it. And anyway, did people really want the real tantra? Which requires a certain amount of self inquiry and facing your demons. And less to do with massive orgasms or being sexy.  Could I really offer quality and still be in business.

All I can say is it is so refreshing to talk to a real tantra person. Someone who is walking the path and is grounded in truly helping people. This teacher is. And he reminded me of all the amazingness in this work, and the amazing people who can be drawn to this work. I did. I felt re-inspired, re-aligned, re-tantrified…

So get ready. Because my new plan is to blog consistently twice a week, not to just build this blog or because I should, but because I need to express everything I am learning and growing with. I have 10,000 ideas of new things to do with my practice, new ways to serve people, new ways to create sensual arts. And when inspiration comes…you gotta ride that wave thru all your doubt, resistance or confusion…Just keep carving the path. Carving the path…Carving the path…From your own two hands and your own full heart.

So stay tuned….This girl is on fire…

Love