Pleasuring a Woman: How Tantra is Not a Quick Fix

11059924_10153179685165926_9152281571664416257_nI get this request alot….I want to learn how to pleasure a woman. I want to learn how to give a woman massive orgasms. I want to learn what women like. I want to learn what women want….

When I tell them, first and foremost, women need to be listened to, seen and heard by a present, collected in the moment kind of guy….they kind of rustle a bit…..squirm. I know they had imagined learning the magic points on a woman’s yoni and hearing new kinds of sounds from within her, but the truth of the matter is, is that if you don’t get the basics down, all the sexy magic tricks are going to amount to zero. Technique can always be learned, real instinct and energy have to be cultivated.

Ever been with a guy who says he is master lover and he knows all these things but then when he touches your leg its kind of cold and clammy and he isn’t really listening to anything you are saying or barely making eye contact?. Or if he is making eye contact all you can feel is his anticipation that you are going to take your clothes off? I think most women have experienced this kind of energy from men…It really does suck. You kind of feel bad for them because they are trying so hard to make something happen. They are puffing themselves up to somehow impress you but you see right thru it. And you are not turned on. But you kind of wish you could be, because here is a guy who really is trying but he keeps missing it. Without presence (the male energy) the feminine cannot surrender and be the flower, the dazzling, moving, colorful aspect of the duality.

Tantra is not a quick fix for becoming a master lover…..It is a path to gaining that mastery. For sure some people are quick studies or just plain naturals. But the fact of the matter is, most of what we have been taught about sexuality and the opposite sex is a big lie. And we have to unlearn alot of our habitual patterns. Both men and women. We have to get back to basics. Feeling, experiencing, dropping into what is inherent in our energies and natures. Letting ourselves be men and women. And recognizing what stands in our way when we have trouble accessing that natural space. Thoughts, distractions, nervous energy left over from a stressful day, childhood trauma, body issues, disconnection from ourselves. We have to be willing to dive in and dive in deep to see what patterns, psychological, spiritual, emotional etc are taking our energy. So that we can get to the source of our deepest connection. This connection allows us to deeply feel ourselves and another. And in that feeling, we have access to an instinctual place that knows how to dance with another.

3 Basic Tips for Pleasuring A Woman

1. Presence. Never underestimate the power of presence. Presence is super duper sexy. It is super duper important for a woman to feel your masculine present energy. Now what is that exactly?. Well it starts with you, sinking into yourself and clearing the clutter out of your mind and body. So first things first, You have to know You. And get right with it. Which usually takes some time, as alot of men have built up a whole fake male identity around ego and macho. Even on the most subtle of levels. We usually go about getting present thru the breath and meditation. Slowing down to feel more deeply into yourself, slowing down to really connect with your inherent presence. Thoughts may come, distractions, unfinished business…its all good. Just take the dive and see whats there. Once you pass thru some things, the gift of presence and the ability to show up as yourself, no masks, no games, just you with your loving heart and masculine energy is enough to get any girl wet. Because it is so rare.

2. Notice. Listen to her. Take her in. Look at her. Breathe her in. Notice details, ask questions about things she said. Take a genuine interest in this beautiful goddess sitting before you. Marvel at the creation of woman. Don’t drool or act like a lost puppy, take it in from the strength of your presence. Enjoy being in the company of a woman, just for the sake of being next to her. Without any expectations., none, zero, zilch. Let her thoughts and ideas and ways of girliness wow and inspire you. Don’t rush this part. It builds energy, it creates suspense…it gets the fire going.

3. Touch. Learn how to touch to open a womans body up without even getting to the most intense erogenous zones. This alone can work miracles for you. So often we women have been manhandled by sweaty, bumbling hands and to get a good pair of present, slow, warm and giving hands that aren’t trying to grope us or finger us, or grab us,  is a gift from God. Learn to give a good loving, slow and sensual (without being slimy), massage that just worships us for the amazing creatures we are. With zero expectation of sex or need to touch anywhere sexual. Unless of course you are asked or proded…then by all means, please the goddess…But that first touch, that way and texture of touching are so important….if you can touch with care and trust you will immediately put a woman in a calm and more surrendered space. And that is exactly what we need to truly feel opened to going deeper into lovemaking. Or at least we feel safe to say No, so that later we can say yes:)

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One thought on “Pleasuring a Woman: How Tantra is Not a Quick Fix

  1. alohaleya says:

    Amen, sister – I love all of this!

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