Don’t Waste Time On Things That Don’t Feel Good

Don’t waste time on things that don’t feel good” She says to me smiling sweetly. It seems so simple when she says it in between bites of a delicious sinful egg and english muffin sandwich, comfort food I would never let myself have but would secretly crave. The strict New York woman I have become-gotta be fit!. And healthy.! No time for going off the diet… But secretly craving something sinful. She challenged me. To see how strict and regimented I had become. How often I didn’t let the animal instinctual part of myself out to taste life. To make mistakes and fall down and get a little messy in pursuit of the soul. Get a little messy in pursuit of soul….I had to say it again to hear the deliciousness of these words.

She had let herself do these things. Have a beer at 9 in the morning one time and smoke pot with the cute stranger at the party, when she had a serious client in the morning. One time she ditched out on two online course times just because she HAD to go dancing…..Somehow she was able to indulge in these things without letting it get like totally out of hand. She was able to take small sips of pleasure just to balance her equation of meditation, yoga, and the spiritual search. She was able somehow to stay balanced, whilst being a rebel. It was impressive. And I wanted it. And she knew I wanted it and I felt was secretly taunting me a little, in a good way, to make me see my own desires and witness my own up tightness….To also be show that it was okay, and actually beneficial to follow the path of the hedonist at times.  The sacred hedonist. Not to escape life but to celebrate it. There was a win win in celebration.

It created a spark. A glow. A fragrance of something wild and potential and illuminating. It opened doors, it signed checks, it got the balls rolling, it found partners and friends and houses and jobs. Because celebration was infectious. It was a fire that burned things down to open things back up. It was the magic elixir that juiced all the parts to keep them working and humming and loving and moving. Celebration. It was the ultimate YES to life and something this great planet was missing way too much of…because of a deep misunderstanding of what it actually was and is. Of the potent healing affect of celebration, of the way it challenged all our out dated beliefs that sacrafice was the way to the good life.

I began to look at all the things I had done that week that didn’t feel good. I continued to practice yoga at a studio that I just didn’t like. The teachers were rude, the postures made my body hurt and worse than that it smelled and the people looked a little bit crazy. But I continued to go, feeling bad about being “judgemental” and maybe it was “good for me”. But it wasn’t and I knew it. I had accepted an apartment in a neighborhood I had never felt good in. I thought well maybe this time, I would. But I didn’t. In fact I felt oppressed and un-inspired. Spending time with a friend whose beliefs and words about life left me feeling turned off and a bit retracted. A bit like “why am I hanging out with someone who believes these things about life and its people?“A bit like “why do I spend time in a place where I don’t feel seen or heard?” I found myself thinking maybe I was expecting too much….I was needy…I was wounded…..all of these thoughts made it MY fault. When maybe the person was kind of a jerk….You know, it happens like this sometimes. People are jerks and it has nothing to do with us. Why was it always my fault for whatever dynamic I was feeling with another? For sure there are two people creating the dynamic, but why was it always MY fault?

I began to notice all the ways I was not standing my ground for things I believe in, things I wanted, things I felt passionately for. At the movies with a friend I really wanted to see the one about the girl who keeps going but I found myself saying “whatever you want to see” to a friend who was more than happy to choose the one about the guy with the sword. As I was planning my travels to another city I found myself saying yes to accommodations I was less than jazzed about. Accommodations I could have created in a different way if I had only just chosen to go with the inner promptings and desire. Little things in life, but still….I was letting life just happen without my participation and I was desperate to figure out why. Why was I letting life pass me by without claiming some piece of it as mine instead of defaulting to whatever everybody else wanted? Why was what others wanted more important than what I wanted. Especially if in many circumstances there were some definite desires unfolding.….

I don’t have the answer yet, other than a cliche new age answer I can give you, that I really don’t want to give you until I have really worked it out within and revealed something of truth. I did however follow the reccomendation of a friend and ordered this book…

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Blessings on your path…I will write more on this topic soon when I have uncovered a meaningful answer that isn’t straight up cliche or psycho spiritual babble:)

Blessings

www.sensualtantrichealing.com

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It’s a Guy Thing:: By David Deida

10593028_10152328745556851_6910828918493703323_nDavid Deida continues to be one of my favorite authors about male/female relationships and sex. And I could also word it this way:: David Deida continues to be one of my favorite authors about the divine masculine and feminine energies and about making Love. He basically emcompasses both. I could also say David Deida continues to be one of my favorite authors about Chics and Dudes and about getting it on. The reason I write it in these few different ways is because he is the one author that I have found able to change up his language in a few styles in order to talk about his subject from an honest perspective and a very wise perspective, I might add. This always shows me how important it is to use language to break down the ways we think about things, so that we look deeper and see ourselves clearer.

I began reading It’s a Guy Thing at a friend’s house and 3 sentences in, I just clicked on the laptop and ordered it from amazon…. it was so good.

Under the subject “Why do Men Balk at Commitment? He writes :

Men tend to argue for the possibility of love with real commitment. In response to men’s ideas about possible relationships, women often feel,, “I’m real. Don’t give me your theoretical bullshit. You’re either loving me right now or you’re not”. She wants concrete love. “Dont give me any of your heady philosophy. I’m not feeling your love right now. You’re not incarnating love right now”. She tests whether her man is really loving, or just thinking of love. “I am here. I am real. Love me”. She is here to love.

The man says, “I know you really want my attention, but can you feel love whether I am here or not? Can you be free and happy whether anything is here or not?” this is the masculine teaching of love.

The more full the masculine and feminine teachings of love are, the more close they come to being the same. At the meeting point, there is no difference between the masculine and the feminine. There is no difference between freedom and love. Since true love is all-encompassing, resisting nothing, it is totally free. And, since real freedom is fearless, with no sense of threatened self, it is completely loving. Freedom and love, masculine and feminine, are not different in their full fruition.

Yet there tends to be a concrete difference at the human level. The masculine is more able to stand outside of things and point out, “You are in a mood right now. This is just a mood. Remember love. In this moment, there is nothing preventing you. You don’t need this and that. You don’t need anything. Just remember love right now.” This is the masculine gift.

The feminine gift is like the sound of a ringing bell, a reminder of love in life. “Hey you! You are distracted in your theories and projects and TV> This is where love is expressed, with me. Right here. I m here to be loved. I m here loving you. The feminine calls the masculine into the beauty of life and the embrace of love.

We need both these gifts. Without the full masculine and feminine, we become weakened. One feminine weakness is to feel, “Unless I’m married, unless I’m in a long term intimate relationship, I can’t really experience love”. One masculine weakness is to think, “Well, if we get married I can’t be free. I don’t want to limit my life. I don’t want to be trapped.”

When we are balanced with ourselves and in our relationships, we are free to give our love without fearing dependency, loss of self or confinement. We are free and we are loving. If our relationship ends tomorrow, fine–today we give each other love. If our relationship lasts a lifetime, fine- today we give each other love.

 

This is one of the best explanations I have ever read. Instead of bashing men because they are committment phobes (I speak in a cliche, I realize they are not all committment phobes and that women can also exhibit this behavior) he points out how the impulse to shirk from that is coming from a wise understanding of love. When we can really communicate about these things with each other and understand the beauty of both sides of this committment debate, our relationships can be filled with more respect and more joy and way more trust:) I know from personal experience when you keep blaming men for your frustrations, instead of understanding better your own womanly nature and the beauty of the man nature, then life can be a struggle. Male hating for female hating really drag you down…..and are not true! Good men exist and so do good women!

If you would like to order this book feel free to click here to order of amazon…..save your dating life!

Many blessings on your dating path and feel free to see my website as well…

www.sensualtantrichealing.com

A New Book I Love:: Tantric Orgasm for Women by Diana Richardson

10599376_10152808101891454_2601466880874944407_nAs always, I am reading, reading, reading and constantly learning more about Tantra, sexual healing and all things men and women. A few years ago I was traveling in Greece when I met this fascinating, electric woman who carried herself with such a presence I admired her from afar for awhile. Then thru the course of the week (we were in a big group of people staying at the same lodge) I began to have more opportunity to speak with her and she shared that she was a Tantra teacher! Yay,,,,plus one for my intuitive feeling and knowing. I immediately wanted to know more and she shared with me a few titles of her books but that her book for women wasn’t out yet.

Well fast forward a few years and its out now, and I am reading it. I am so blown away with how much she writes from her heart and with the spirit of meditation in sex. The other book she and her partner , Michael Richardson,,wrote together is Tantric Sex for Men:: Making Love a Meditation. Also excellent but I have only flipped thru as I am still reading the book for women. Stay tuned.

Just to give you a taste….

She writes ” When a woman knows it is possible to use her sexual energy rightfully, allowing it to circulate throughout the body orgasmically, her sense of self changes and she WANTS to make love. Sex becomes less to do with the other or with getting something and becomes more a way of valuing and loving oneself, of being with oneself. With insight into her body mechanisms she is able to direct her sexual energy and so be more in command of her life. The process of the body getting older and perhaps less attractive becomes of no real concern, in the sense that she knows how to attract the male principle when a man is in her presence, how to draw and drink from him, through understanding the deeper layers of sexual energy. It has nothing to with how she looks or how old she is. She bypasses the superficiality of sex and steps directly in to the female element, which is passive, relaxed, receptive, sweet, serene, open. Such an ambiance in itself stimulates man to respond to woman in a way quite different from how he usually responds.

So true. I couldn’t agree more. The more often I nourish myself, and spend time looking inward and getting to know my soul, and clearing my belief system,  the more often I find men noticing me. So many time you leave the house without make up in gym clothes etc, but you are alive and feeling that feminine juice and suddenly you have that guy bumbling all over himself to open your doors or talk to you. The times I spend all this effort to dress up, look a certain way etc but have not paid attention to my insides, to my heart and soul….I can feel it. There is less spark. Men don’t pay attention as much. Now when I have done my tantric practice, things go thru the roof! Whether dressed up or not:)

” The fragrance of a woman settled in her essence exerts an attractive force on  man that alters the whole nature of the sexual act–it is a dimensional shift” Diana Richardson

So here is to really making love a meditation and claiming the sacred energy of sex and womanhood….

If you would like to read more click below to order your copy….

And to head to my website, visit www.sensualtantrichealing.com

Blessings and All Good Things….