The Sexual Healing Journey

Recently I have been reading a great book called The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz. Recently, and also in the past, I have gotten these waves of people reaching out to me with the desire to clear and cleanse alot of sexual abuse or inability to really enjoy themselves sexually. I am not a trained therapist but I do have a BA in psychology so I do have a bit of background in traditional therapy. But her book is really rocking my world. As I am continuing to understand the depth of how sexual abuse can affect a person’s life I am simply humbled. How often this kinds of abuse gets pushed under the rug or rarely if ever talked about.  They say 1 in 3 women will experience some sort of sexual abuse in their lifetime. And 1 in 6 men!

What I keep reading over and over is how the memory of past abuse gets triggered and the different ways it can manifest in life. From an addictiveness to sex to simply avoiding it all together. To understand how the body/mind holds trauma and tends to replay it until the trauma is released is revealing such a deeper appreciation for how our psyche and our physical systems help us heal.

BE PRESENT

The most important part of the healing journey begins with learning to be present with whatever comes up for you around being sexual. A big part of each stage of healing requires an ability to slow down, get present and acknowledge whatever behaviors or feelings you find yourself in. This ability to get present sounds very simple, almost too easy, but the truth is, getting present in the midst of our patterns of relating to ourselves and others requires practice. It also requires the understanding about how powerful it is to GET present. In presence we take a step back and are able to witness our inner feelings and outside behaviors. It allows us to have the space to see where a choice is possible to make a change and begin to give ourselves what we really need to heal. I have found that getting present and taking a BREATH can be some of the most powerful and life changing work I have ever done to heal. It sounds so simple and it is. And it is the foundation for all the rest of the healing practices we can do.

Sometimes we may not be aware that we have been the victims of sexual abuse or perhaps it is a buried memory. Some behaviors that Wendy Maltz notes that can result from sexual abuse are:

“-Avoiding or withdrawing from sex.

-Faking sexual interest

-Allowing sex to be forced.

-Combining sex and emotional or physical abuse.

-Habitually using pornography.

-Engaging in medically risky sex.

-Having anonymous sex.

-Engaging in secretive sex which generates feeings of  shame.

-Have sex with near strangers.

-Engaging in prostitution.

-Making sexually degrading jokes.

-Having abusive sexual fantasies.

-Have sex in relationships that lack intimacy.

-Having sex under dishonest circumstances.

-Visiting topless bars, strip shows, and or adult book stores.

And these are only but a few she mentions….and certainly you can engage in these behaviors and NOT have been abused.

She writes: ” If you find your present behaviors described in this checklist, you may be unconsciously replaying or mirroring sexual abuse. Sometimes referred to as a repetition compulsion, this instant replay can be a survivor’s unconcsious way of tyring to understand what happened and to resolve inner emotional stress by acting out the abuse again and again. Staging replays may be a way of desentisizing ourselves to the shame, disgust, or pain we felt in the abuse. Replays may also be an effort to gain some mastery and control over even our worst experiences.”-Wendy Maltz

I think its important to really learn to take that step back and get present without judgement, on any of our sexual behaviors and be extremely honest with ourselves with what behaviors really serve us in the long run and what we truly want to experience in our sexual lives. Most people, I do think, want to experience a loving, erotic and connected experience with a committed partner. And by committed I do mean a committment that works for you both, not necessarily monogamy or marriage.

Things to think about….I will discuss more from this book as I am finding the content so rich….

If you want to order yourself here is the link:

All blessings on your path to greater sexual wholeness and healing….

www.sensualtantrichealing.com

Taoist Secrets for Men That Rock The Universe

Hi everyone….Thank you so much for following this blog. I recently fell off the blog bandwagon and I want to apologize and say I simply got overwhelmed. I tend to do that. I get overwhelmed and then  just stop things entirely. I think it’s a subtle form of self sabotage on some level. On the other hand I was also doing some serious self healing work and taking a break from being on the computer so very much. I don’t feel as energetically balanced when I have been on the computer in large doses so I let myself take a break and just enjoy the summer.

But now the inspiration is back, I have tektite rocks and argone and crystals all around my computer to help balance the energy. I will post about how those things work amazingly well to balance the magnetic frequencies in another post. Right now I am waiting for a special argone piece for my cell phone….the new Iphone I am about to purchase–YAY! Cell phones are another thing that makes my energy wacky. But the good news is there are special rocks and gems and crystals that can help and I have a friend who makes the most amazingly beautiful and useful gadgets for everything you can think of.  More to come on that…just planting seeds for future posts!

I am coming back to this blogging with a more personal touch and I want to share more of my personal journey with you all, as this is the writing that inspires me and I think I have a lot going on in my life that you all would be interested in. Sensual Tantric Healing is a path I am living daily in NYC. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not so successfully, but overall, I feel at this time on the planet, most of us are getting a little ass kicking and are being forced to step up and do what we came here to do. Recently I am finding that I DO KNOW! I don’t have to trick myself into thinking, I am confused. I am not. I am here to help share conscious sexuality, sensuality and the path of healing and transformation thru these pathways…for the good of all. I am here to help the balancing of the male and female principles on this planet and help support the woman to shine and step into her real power that is as soft as it is fierce.

Recently in  my practice of Sensual Tantric Healing I have started to work with a Taoist master to bring more of the beauty of the taoist wisdom into my work with men, women and couples. Mantak Chia, the leading teacher of Taoism is a such a gem of a master and his books are profound. I find this chinese system really understands how to systematize the cultivation of sexual energy for healing, joy and expansion in such a clear and poetic way. So I am diving in. Most importantly it starts with your own practice. This week I am beginning to learn Ovarian breathing and the 5 Healing Sounds, which I am told are the foundation for this work.

Here is a quote from Taoist Secrets of Love Cultivating Male Sexual Energy by Mantak Chia:

“The Tao teaches there is infinite pleasure and limitless potential with every human being. The addiction to sex as emotional food can gradually be changed from within the male body through chi cultivation. One grows to appreciate this fact with the retention of the seminal fluid and its transformation into the higher center of the heart. One experiences the fullness of life long after the love-making has ceased, and a delicacy that more easily moves beyond temporary sensory stimulation, to a continuous connection of feelings with the lover. The man who diligently studies the Tao learns that the source of all emotions as well as the source of a woman’s allure is also within himself.”

“The man who cultivates his subtle energy eventually experiences in his body the fact that all living beings are part of one life.  He and his lover flow into each other. He knows that across the web of consciousness one living thing constantly nourishes another. In becoming highly aware of the interconnection between all creatures, he strengthens his tendency to be unselfish. He may suddenly find himself asking: why pour negative thoughts into the single stream from which all must drink?” -Mantak Chia

I LOVE these two qoutes….it brings sexuality to a whole new cosmic level where it should be….this is what I want to offer to people. This is what I want to learn to cultivate more of in  my own life.  Recently I have been attracting more clients that are seeking ejaculation retention or are already at that level and I have also introduced a couple of newbies to this practice, with smashing feedback. They have reported increased energy, more aliveness and more appreciation for life…when at first they felt they were getting cheated of a “full experience” they later said they had never felt so amazing….
More to come…..the next post will be about women and sexual energy cultivation according to the Tao. Please feel free to leave comments!

www.sensualtantrichealing.com

Or to order Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy by Mantak Chia click the image.

5 TIPS FOR MEN TO DECREASE ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION

Erectile dysfunction is no laughing matter. It seems more and more men are coming out with their challenges related to this issue and it doesn’t have to do with age or physical stature. Men who are young and robust are having issues with erectile dysfunction because of our busy, hectic, stress filled lives and our disconnection from our bodies and feeling our senses. Here are 5 Tips that anyone can start doing TODAY to make Erectile Dysfunction a thing of the past. You don’t have to suffer from this guys! And taking the usual pills from doctors is also not the way to go long term in my opinion. Erectile Dysfunction can be addressed thru simple exercise…..

TIP # 1:: STRENGTH TRAINING

Strengthen your back and upper body muscles with push-ups, sit-ups and crunches. Good upper body and core strength is necessary during intercourse and you don’t have to lift tons of weights and be superman to strengthen yourself adequately. 20 mins a day at the gym or in your home, just put together a quick routine of these kinds of exercises.  They can only help your entire body be in better shape and more able to do what it naturally does. As well,  these kind of exercises help strengthen your pelvic floor which helps with tip # 2…kegels:)

TIP #2:: KEGELS

Kegels are magical! For women too. And if you start them now they will improve your quality of life on into your later years. This exercise strengthens a small group of muscles located at the bottom of the pelvic floor called the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles. It’s role is to stop the flow of urine mid-stream. Men to do Kegels, stop the flow of urine and hold it for about ten seconds. Do this action several times before tiring while urinating. This will strengthen the muscle and will allow you to delay ejaculation just before climax during intercourse. This exercise was named after the physician Dr. Arnold Kegel who discovered their power. To read more about Kegels click here: www.kegelexercisesformen.com

TIP # 3:: YOGA

Yoga!! I cannot emphasize it enough. Not only does it strengthen your pelvic muscles, it connects you to your breath, your heart, and your soul and cleans out your mind. All of these attributes are incredibley healing for Erectile Dysfunction. The more in tune you are with your body’s natural state the more it can perform for you how it was designed to be preformed. This isn’t rocket science, but common sense. Find a studio close to your house or work, get the unlimited pass that most studios offer and GO! Just do it. Many have hour classes or 45 min if you are a crazy working person. But, just GO.

TIP#4:: FAST WALKING/AEROBIC EXERCISE

If you live in NYC, you probably walk alot anyway, and if you dont live in NYC, I hope you live near some nature so you can get out and go walking. Walking gets you connected to the ground and your feet which is going to help you better source your energy from a natural source–the earth! Results from a recent study of 31,000 men performed by a Harvard researcher, showed that aerobic exercising that burns around 200 calories can cut the risk of suffering from erectile dysfunction (ED) by 30 percent, almost half. This is the same as walking briskly for 2 miles. The researchers believe brisk walking or any form of aerobic exercising cuts the risk of ED because of the higher blood flow which helps keep the blood vessels clear. The results are longer and stronger erections. The other amazing benefit of excercising aerobically is the release of chemicals called endorphins throughout the body, which relaxes your mind and body to boost your sexual performance.

TIP #5:: SWIMMING

Swimming has the same benefits as walking, aerobic exercise and strength training but it happens all together in one great workout. Also the benefit of being in water is that it inspires a more sensual connection to your body and to your life. Water is a great healer particularly if it is fresh water, so if you can, skip the chlorine and jump in the ocean or a river/lake.  Swimming also burns alot of fat and researchers have found that if an obese man sheds 10 percent of his excess weight it will lessen his risk for erectile dysfunction and improve his sexual performance.

If you would like to read more about how to improve your sexual and sensual health in todays modern, fast paced world, click here:

www.sensualtantrichealing.com

And, if you would like to find out how I make money blogging and how you can to with a team of people as dedicated to your success as they are to their own, click here:

www.fundyourlife.info

Here is to your health, wealth and vitality in all you do!! Blessings:)