“Blaming others prevents you from healing. If you want to heal, take responsibility for your behavior and see the pattern of abuse you are engaged in. Understand how self-depreciation invites trespass and learn to value and appreciate yourself.
Remember, every abusive relationship offers you the opportunity to say no to what does not honor you. Saying no to another person, of course, implies an awareness that you have tended to say “yes” in the past.
You establish the conditions for abuse by accepting conditional love. You say yes to self-degradation in exchange for the security and approval you want. You say yes to fear, by bargaining, for love.
Now you know it will not work. Love cannot be bargained for.
When love is given to you without conditions you know it. It doesn’t ask from you more than you can give. It doesn’t manipulate or demand. It accepts you as you are and blesses you.
If you do not know how to create this blessing for yourself, how can you receive it from another? Practice it. Practice accepting yourself just as you are. Then you will know what love is and you will recognize it when it comes into your life.
If you love yourself, conditionally, you will draw others into your life who do the same. You cannot receive from others what you are unable to unwilling to give to yourself.”
From::I AM THE DOOR by Paul Ferrini